"I don't know what I want" is one of the most common things people say to themselves.
Maybe you watch others chase their goals and think: must be nice to have something to work toward. You want to feel that, but you don't know what to be motivated about. Maybe you've tried a few times. You sat down, you tried to come up with goals, and nothing came.
The good news is: this is fixable. Clarity is a skill you can practice. And in this post, you will learn two techniques to finally know what you want, plus what to do once you've found a meaningful goal worth pursuing.
In this article:
What to Do When You Don't Know What You Want
If you don't know what you want, you're not alone. It's something that sometimes comes up with students in my Mind Power training. They learn to manifest, and some do brilliantly, but they get stuck on what to manifest in the first place. That's the exact feeling you might be experiencing right now: a blank canvas, and no idea where to start.
Over the years, two techniques have proven the most effective at cutting through that fog.
1. The 30-Day List
If you find yourself unclear on your own goals, set aside five to ten minutes a day for at least a month.
Each day, make a list of the five most important things you want to achieve in your life. Do this every day.
The reason I say every day is that your list will change from day to day. Some items will seem important one day and not so important the next. Others will be repeated over and over.
Don't rush it and keep going. Doing this over one month will make it possible for you to separate temporary desires from those that are truly meaningful and important to you.
I want to emphasize "what is important to you." Too many times in life we take on goals that others or society deem is important and we take them on without really thinking it through. Ask yourself, "Is this what I really want?"
2. The Ninety-Year-Old Test
Here's another method that will help you.
Life Reflection;
Imagine you're ninety years old, looking back at your life. Ask yourself (you can write your answers in a journal to reflect on them later):
- What would you like to have seen happen?
- What would you regret most not doing?
- What was most important for you?
- Did you follow your personal passion?
- Was it a meaningful life?
- Were you happy?
This exercise can help you get a clear picture of what you really want to do.
When choosing what you want, think big. Large goals have a momentum and power that give you the means to achieve them. Don't waste your time asking yourself, "How am I going to do it? How will it happen?" Just make the decision to do it and then watch the ideas and plans follow.
Doing what you love to do, something that inspires you and has "juice" will make the journey much more enjoyable. Your goals usually manifest much easier as well as you are in alignment with your true essence.
Patanjali, author of The Yoga Sutras, and one of the founders of yoga in ancient India, put it this way:
"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds. Your mind transcends limitations; your consciousness expands in every direction in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."
What It Really Means When You Don't Know What You Want
"The reason most people don't achieve their goals in life," remarked author and lecturer Dennis Waitley, rather dryly, "is because they didn't have any in the first place."
Everyone wants to be healthy, happy, successful and hundreds of other things, but not everyone has goals that map out how they will achieve these objectives.
In Lewis Carroll's classic Through the Looking Glass, one scene has Alice completely lost, unsure which way to turn, so she asks the Cheshire cat, perched comfortably on a tree limb, for help.
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" asks Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," replies the cat.
"I don't much care where."
"Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
"So long as I get somewhere," Alice adds.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," grins the cat.
I love that. It's so absurd and yet all too similar to the way we often live our lives.
We make a tragic error when we mistake working hard and being busy with achieving goals. We assume that if we're working hard we must be getting ahead.
But working hard and trying to get ahead without specific, clearly defined goals on how to get there is living in a fool's paradise. And the sooner we recognize this, the better.
What do you want out of life? Do you know? If you're not sure, it's probably time for some serious self-reflection.
Each of us, at certain times in our lives, needs to stop and take stock of where we are and where we are going, to make certain that the direction our life is moving in is the direction we want.
The goals you set for yourself will determine the circumstances and situations you will meet in life.
This being so, choose wisely and pursue those things that are closest to your heart.
There's a saying that goes: "A man climbed the ladder of success only to discover it was against the wrong wall." Don't make wrong choices in your life. Your goals should reflect your passions, your instincts, your vision.
How to Know You're Choosing the Right Goals
How do we know that we are choosing the right goals? How do we know it's what we really should be working on? Here are four strategies I teach to my students.
1. Examine the cultural "memes"
Start by examining societal and cultural "memes"—the ideas that define what a successful life looks like. These include being wealthy, famous, attractive, young, and so on.
These influences will naturally pull your attention because they're everywhere. They're on your social media feed, TV, magazines, and in conversations around you.
The key question is: Are these goals truly your calling?
Some might align with your aspirations, and there's nothing wrong with valuing financial independence or success. Those can be worthwhile goals.
But beyond those influences, ask yourself: What is uniquely calling me? What does my life want to become?
2. Listen to your feelings
Sometimes, weeks or months into a decision, you'll sense something isn't right. That's your subconscious mind speaking.
Trust what feels right. Always come back to: Does this feel right? As you pursue a goal, check in regularly. Do you feel aligned and on track? Or do you feel unsettled, even after achieving milestones?
Decisions are made with both logic and feelings. Logic comes from your conscious mind, while feelings stem from your subconscious, ie. your intuition.
When logic and intuition agree, you're on the right path. But when they conflict, intuition is usually the more reliable guide. Go with it.
3. Expect the path to bend
You're not always going to choose the right goals. And that's okay.
Think of it like sailing.
Unlike a motorboat, a sailboat never goes in a straight line. You adjust your sails based on the wind's direction. You tack back and forth to reach your destination.
Life works the same way. Destiny isn't linear. It twists, turns, and sometimes goes backward.
You'll make mistakes and wrong decisions, but there's nothing wrong with that. That's just part of how life unfolds.
4. Re-evaluate as you grow
Because we can never be 100% right, what I suggest to my students always is to re-evaluate the goals that they have at different times of their life.
Goals that you have at 20 are no longer appropriate at 40, and the goals at 40 are no longer appropriate at 60. But that's the easy part.
Sometimes, even last month's goals are no longer appropriate. New experiences, insights, or opportunities can shift your perspective and priorities.
So what's crucial is to remain flexible and open to change. Regularly reviewing your goals ensures they align with your current values, circumstances, and aspirations, helping you lead a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Finding Your Direction From Here
If you arrived here feeling lost, notice how much has already shifted simply by naming the real problem.
Clarity is a skill, and like any skill, it answers to practice. The people who find their direction rarely stumble onto it in one dramatic moment. They build it, one small honest choice at a time, until the path in front of them starts to feel aligned.
The Mind Power program was designed to help you explore these questions and discover and embrace your unique path. It guides you in tapping into your innate potential and identifying what brings you joy and fulfillment. You can start with the first lesson for free or dive into the full training.
"I've just finished week 6 of the Mind Power course and I will definitely keep going with the Master Class. (…) It gives you power over your life. I had issues pinpointing a goal to achieve next and the class has helped me to see clearer. I am not settling for something small anymore. (…) Btw: I have done my exercises everyday since day 1. It is the key for change!" – Nicole-Nadine Will
Remember this: the universe wants you to succeed. And as such, it imprints what you're meant to do. Why would it guide you toward something you dislike or something overly difficult?
Success is a part of who you are. It is wired into every cell and embedded in your consciousness.
FAQ
What does it mean when you don't know what you want?
Usually, it means your own goals have gone quiet under everyone else's. The wealth, status, and milestones the culture sells get mistaken for your own desires, so your real direction is hard to hear. It is a clarity problem, and clarity can be rebuilt through regular reflection on what actually matters to you.
Is it normal to not know what you want in life?
Yes, and it happens to almost everyone at some point. Goals that fit you at 20 stop fitting at 40, and a milestone you chase can feel hollow once you reach it. Feeling unsure is part of how a life finds its direction, and it tends to pass once you start listening to what feels right.
How do you figure out what you want when you feel lost?
Give yourself a structured practice rather than waiting for a flash of insight. For a month, spend five to ten minutes a day listing the five things that matter most to you; the items that keep reappearing are the real ones. It also helps to imagine yourself at ninety, looking back, and notice what you would regret leaving undone.
What is it called when you don't know what you want?
It is often called decision paralysis, and it usually has a simple root: you are weighing goals you absorbed from other people more than ones that are truly yours. Once you separate the borrowed goals from the genuine ones, the paralysis tends to ease, and a clearer direction shows up.
Can you train yourself to know what you want?
Yes. Clarity works like a skill that strengthens with practice. Writing down your most important goals each day, questioning which of them the culture handed you, and checking whether a path still feels right all sharpen your sense of what you want. Most people feel the difference within a month of steady practice.
