Radical self-acceptance means deciding that now is the time without retreat or illusion, to look at yourself, your life, your place in the universe with neither hope nor despair. Seeing everything just as it is. Seeing yourself just as you are. Stopping for a moment and just letting go, and this takes courage.
What follows are five reflections on what it means to come home to yourself and how radical self-acceptance can change the way you live.
Table of Contents
Why Radical Self-Acceptance Is So Hard
Seeing ourselves as we really are is not easy, nor is it always pleasant. We have spent most of our lives trying to be something different from what we are. To have more money, to be more successful, better looking, smarter, and more in shape.
Yet, in doing this, we have fled from ourselves, never taken a stand, never claimed our little piece of the universe, however humble. We have taken no time or opportunity to get to know ourselves and discover our beauty. We have been too frightened of what we might find.
Looking closely at ourselves, stopping time and illusion to find out who we are, takes immense courage. For, in examining closely, we might find that we are not as successful or beautiful or smart or loving as we thought or hoped. And this is a shock. Looking closely, we might find that instead of having it all together, we’re really quite vulnerable and confused and alone and unsure.
What It Means to Accept Imperfection
Realizing our imperfections is good. Why run away from it? It’s real.
If we’re absolutely honest with ourselves, we’ll admit we’ve suspected as much. And that’s good too, for this is when we can see ourselves, rather than when we’re puffed up all full of ourselves or trying desperately to become something else.
Radical self-acceptance is letting go of it all.
Come home to yourself and relax. Pull up a chair and get reacquainted with the you that exists right now. The one you’ve been avoiding and trying to change. Let go of all that nonsense. It’s neurotic and self-defeating.
Maybe being who you are is not as bad as you suspected. Maybe and maybe not. How will you know until you take the time to find out? It’s a risk, but the alternative is to be constantly running away from yourself. And that’s too tiring. Besides, maybe you’ve been doing that your whole life.
Coming home to ourselves is a wonderful thing. It’s a big step. A courageous step. When we get to know and accept ourselves, without illusion, a huge weight is taken off our backs.
Then we can learn to truly relax and enjoy ourselves. It’s while we try desperately to be different from what we are that we get stuck.
In my book Mind Power Into the 21st Century, I explain how learning to direct your thoughts with intention begins with understanding and accepting who you already are.
How Self-Acceptance Changes Your Relationship with Yourself, Others, and Life
“Nothing is needed
Nowhere to go.
Come home, little one
Come home.”
With taking a stand comes freedom. A new awareness and appreciation of ourselves begins to grow. We become more tolerant of ourselves and even get to like ourselves, faults and all.
We become more tolerant of others, too. Others suddenly do not have to match our expectations, share our views, be, or live the way we think they should. Now there is more space for diversity, contradictions, and differences. In relaxing all expectations of others, we can fully appreciate their differences and uniqueness.
Not needing to be anything but what we are, and others not needing to be anything but what they are, it all becomes so open and easy. Suddenly, our old way of judging ourselves and others seems so ludicrous. Things are what they are. As we let go and allow life to just happen, instead of trying to orchestrate it, something wonderful happens. We appreciate everything just for what it is.
Embracing your imperfection means not only coming home to yourself but coming home to life as well.
Just as we’ve fled from ourselves, we’ve fled from life, too. We’ve tried to make believe it’s something that it’s not. We’ve tried to make it into some utopia where our every wish and dream should be fulfilled.
We have this image of what we think life should be, and when it doesn’t match our expectations, we get depressed, discouraged, and disheartened. We are living an illusion. We want life to be what we think it should be, or could be, or will be. We’re afraid to look at it directly. We’re afraid of what we might find.
Remember when you were small and growing up, and you imagined what it would be like when you were an adult? Well, you’re all grown up and this is it!
Life is happy. Life is sad. Life is joy. Life is grief. Life is health. Life is sickness. Life is success. Life is failure. Life is excitement. Life is boredom. Life is achieving your goals. Life is failing at your goals. Life is having friends. Life is being lonely. Life is being confused. Life is being sure.
And it’s a wonderful thing, this diversity.
Recognizing the Goodness in Life as It Is
Life is what it is, and if you stop and look beyond your illusion of what you think it should be, and really examine it closely, you will find that within this diversity lies tremendous beauty and goodness.
We have a life. We have an existence. We have a body and a mind. This is precious.
We have free will to choose our thoughts and actions. This is wonderful.
We are on a journey that’s both exciting and terrifying. Our journey consists of constant ups and downs, hopes and fears, but it is a good journey.
That the world is good is not just an arbitrary idea. The world is indeed good because we can experience its goodness.
Friendship, a brilliant blue sky, making love, children playing, snowflakes, a sunset, acts of kindness, a good joke, the beach, trees, a hot summer day, a good movie, sleeping in on Saturday morning, listening to good music, eating delicious food, helping someone out, sitting in front of the fire on a stormy night. One could go on and on and still be just scratching the surface of the goodness one can experience in any given day of a life.
Coming home to ourselves means that we give ourselves a good shake, wake up, and recognize that goodness doesn’t happen to us only now and then. It happens quite regularly, almost constantly if you really look at it.
We should feel that it is wonderful to be in this world. How wonderful it is to see yellow and blue, red and black, purple and green. All of these colours are provided for us. We feel hot and cold. We taste sweet and sour. We have these sensations, and we deserve them. They are all good.
We experience the changing seasons. We experience night and day, the sun and the moon. All this is good and nurturing. But life isn’t always good. It isn’t always enjoyable. No, sometimes it can be downright miserable and unfair, but then that’s life, too.
Embracing Radical Self-Acceptance in Daily Life
So come on home. Let go of any bitterness, disappointment, anxiety, or frustration, and let the sun warm your bones.
Maybe there’s no caviar, but there’s always a hot bowl of soup, and it will nourish you. If it’s cold, put a sweater on. If it’s dark, turn some light on. If you’re lonely, call a friend. If you’re sick, take some medicine.
Maybe you don’t look like a movie star, but you’re not Frankenstein either.
Maybe you don’t have as much luck or money or love or health as the next person, but there’s still plenty of goodness in the world to fill you up if you allow it.
Replace illusions with radical acceptance. Life is forever happening. It is spilling out abundantly all around you, every minute of every day. Come home and enjoy it.
If this message speaks to you, you can explore it further in my book Mind Power Into the 21st Century. You can read Chapter One for free here.
